Today I am tired. So tired I looked up 'healing exhaustion' on the lovely old interweb. I can't stay awake and the sleep I experience on the couch from which I cannot rise is deep and the dreams are elusive in their meaning.
I've just come off a fourteen day stretch and today a client cancelled giving me an unexpected day off. Thinking I would get lots more done, I fixed myself a lovely bowl of cream of rice with raisins and brown sugar, a pat of butter and a splash of skim milk. I'd already prepared a pot of decaf coffee and sat down with a hot cup enjoying every sip and slurp of both.
Then I walked to the couch and fell asleep again. Hard deep sleep where I woke fitfully only to say to myself I was too tired to move. Hours later I rose and fixed myself a treat of French toast, a variation on an egg sandwich for lunch. Afterwards I sat down on the couch with my daily clipboard and wrote a few notes. Soon enough I had, after googling exhaustion, arranged the pillows so my head once more could drift off 'for just a bit' I told myself.
Now several hours later I have that fatigue still that makes me worry I have something fatal when really I know I just haven't had a chance to sleep properly for more than a week.
Most of the world is as exhausted as I am right now. We learn to push past it, to ignore it, to function despite it. A colleague of mine has written a song proclaiming most of the world's problems could be solved in the majority of people just took a nap or got more sleep.
The sum total of what I've gotten done so far is some strategic 'think' time and a call to the hardware store to find out if I need graphite spray for the front door. ...Oh...and this blog entry.
I'm going to remember today and somehow not do this to myself again. But most likely, in the pursuit of that which keeps the lights on and the car filled with gas, I will in a couple of months again push myself to the point of exhaustion. Not good. Terrible way to treat my body. Conumdrum to parents and executives and the working poor and slaves around the world.
Hmmmmmmm......what to do, what to do....
Love,
Deborah
About Me
- The Social Contemplative
- What does it mean to be a social contemplative? A person who has spent a lot of time reflecting on a very busy life with diverse experiences that have , in spite of herself, yielded a lot of wisdom she wishes to pass on to others. Deborah loves people but recharges her batteries alone. Sitting in the presence of her own life is mandatory. Reflection and centering happen in the midst of the whirl of a populated world. Born on the East Coast, living all her adult life on the West Coast she is a hybrid of cultures. She is a mom, a writer, and a teacher who sings, reads and swims for fun. And yes she is ordained, but don’t hold that against her. She believes we are more than conquerors and most days there’s a smile on her face because she deals with life in real time. She’s a whole lot funnier than this description makes her sound. Lastly, it’s important to know she’s a paper and pencil gal in a digital world.
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